Not playing the dulcimer anymore
by CamelotGirl
Summary: Life in the Guild, and out of it; Nandi’s life before the events of 'Heart of Gold'.


**Disclaimer:** Don't own Firefly or Serenity. Just playing in Joss's sandbox.

*****

*****

*****

…**I was at practice, you never stop practicing, you know, not a true Companion - some Baroque piece - and the instructor kept saying: "you're **_**playing**_** it, not **_**feeling**_** it," and the fifth time he said I took the damned thing and smashed it into kindling, and that's when I occurred to me that a Companion's life might be just too constricting…**

_There must be more to life than this_, she thought. The idea was pure heresy, but she couldn't ignore it, especially as she stood amongst the splintered ruins of an antique dulcimer and ignored the steady tirade coming from the music instructor. He was practically vibrating with rage as he yapped at her like a rabid Pomeranian, repeating over and over that he was shocked, that he was outraged, that this was the last straw, that when the House Priestess heard of this Nandi would be in more trouble than she could imagine, that this behavior was appalling, and that a Companion never, ever, did anything even remotely near as bad as this.

She walked away without even asking his leave, leaving him and his endless stream of words. "Then maybe I'm not a Companion," she called over her shoulder. She said it just to make him splutter louder, but as she walked she reflected that perhaps she had meant what she had said.

She walked down hallways with floors of white marble, veined with gold, past walls of polished mahogany, through rooms of teak and silk carpets, past rooms where prayers or music or dancing or laughter or sparkling conversation were all being practiced, and walked down a grand stairway that a dozen Companions could descend in full ceremonial robes without a single trailing sash or ribbon brushing against another. She walked across the scrupulously cared for grounds that held flower gardens, rock gardens, ponds, fountains, pavilions, and, most famously, the Cherry Orchard, where aged trees that were grown from the seeds of seeds of seeds of trees grown on Earth-that-Was blossomed each spring and aspiring Companions performed the intricate Shoe Dance underneath the falling flower petals.

Nandi reached the wide expanse of green lawn where the archery range was set up. Inara stood with four other young women, bow in hand, string stretched back, her eyes only on the target. As Nandi joined the spectators along the sidelines the five senior Companions-in-Training released their arrows and there was a quick chorus of thuds as the arrows hit. Inara's arrow was the only one to hit the golden center. Nandi clapped politely with the others, and wasn't surprised. As Inara lowered her bow she saw Nandi and her face broke into a genuine smile. Inara rarely showed a moment that wasn't a perfect performance of Guild training, but for true friendship she would show true emotion. Some might call that a flaw in her otherwise perfect Companion poise - but Nandi never would.

"_Mei-mei_," she asked, "do you have time to talk?"

"Of course _jie-jie_," Inara said. Clearly she sensed something was wrong and she was already putting on a professional look of concern and helpfulness. Inara left her bow with the archery mistress and walked with Nandi along one of the slate paths that wandered through a garden of lavender.

Nandi took a deep breath, as much to smell the flowers as to steady herself. She already knew she was going to miss the gardens. "I'm leaving. I'll probably be expelled," she said bluntly. "I wanted you to hear it from me first before the rumor mill goes wild around here."

Nandi's blunt and completely unexpected words drove the professionally attentive look straight off Inara's face, leaving her looking much younger. Her mouth actually dropped slightly as she struggled to try and find the right words to say. "I- I- I," she out right babbled, her Companion training deserting her.

Nandi gave her a little smile as she gave her hand a squeeze. "It's all right. Being a Companion isn't for everyone. They drill that into everyone's head during the application process. Lots of people don't make the cut"

"But I don't think I've heard of anyone being _expelled_!" exclaimed Inara.

"I have," said Nandi, somewhat ominously. "But I'm prepared to face the consequences."

"The… consequences? Oh _jie-jie_, what did you do?" asked Inara, almost fearful.

"I… I just killed a… a dulcimer," said Nandi, chocking on her words as the sheer absurdity of the situation suddenly hit her. Laughing, she told Inara the story of what had just happened, and soon Inara was giggling as well, albeit nervously.

The walked in silence for a bit along the paths in the wilder section of the gardens, flowers and bushes left slightly less manicured so that the grounds could boast of a "natural" section as well. Nandi reflected humorously on how strange their friendship was. By rights, Nandi Kessler and Inara Serra should have been bitter rivals and deadly enemies in a war for power within the Guild, as deadly as any of the battles that had just raged on Beylix and Hera. Nandi had joined the Guild because it was expected that the daughter, grand-daughter, and great-granddaughter of a House Priestess would join the Guild and rapidly rise in power.

But it was Inara Serra, not yet even a full Companion, who was the rapidly rising star in House Madrassa. Everyone knew there were great things in store for her, and everyone knew she was sure to pass Nandi in prestige before too long. Inara was always controlled, and knew exactly how to speak to people. Nandi had no problems speaking to people, but had trouble repressing all of her emotions and only telling people what they were interested in hearing.

Despite their differences, the two had become fast friends when they came into close quarters in their senior training sessions.

Inara had graduated to the upper levels of training at the same time that Nandi was finishing her senior training. Nandi had been able to give Inara pointers about the intricacies of the hierarchy since she was so well acquainted with it and Inara had done her best to teach the girl she looked upon as an older sister the focus Nandi clearly lacked and Inara seemed to effuse so effortlessly. When Inara had started her full training in the arts of love Nandi had given a gift for luck: a golden necklace with a jade pendant on it, carved into the shape of the dragon Lu'Weng. Local legend said that Sihnon's capital city of Lu'Weng was named for a fire-breathing dragon that had flown through the stars until one day it had flown over Sihnon and, falling in love with it's beautiful hues, flew down and became part of the planet, explaining the prevalence of hot springs on the Xen'drik continent.

As the two women came to the end of the garden path and walked back down the gravel boulevard to the main staircase, they could see two House officials, men in orange robes signifying their administrative rank, waiting at the bottom of the staircase. When they reached the staircase the taller of the two men spoke formally, "Nandi Kessler, your presence is required by the House Council." Inara's eyes widened slightly in surprise that her friend was being called up in front of the entire council instead just the House Mother. Nandi's face was placid as she received the news and calmly went along with the officials, giving Inara a brief smile of good-bye as if she was merely leaving for tea with a client.

She was forced to wait in a cold antechamber for several hours and then brought into the Iris Chamber, where the House made all judicial decisions. She stood in front of the panel of the high ranking women and men who looked at her with expressions of faint disdain, although the House Mother looked more disappointed than anything else. The central, and tallest, seat where the High Priestess would have sat was empty. Clearly this was not a matter she wished to be involved in.

"Nandi Kessler," said the Speaker, "You have disgraced yourself and have proven yourself to be a liability. You lack the control of a true Companion and you have shown flagrant disrespect to the Guild. In your first year so far as a certified Companion your work has been less than perfect."

Nandi called upon all of her training to keep from making a grimace at that statement. Since graduation she had stayed at the House, as most Companions did, and worked on Sihnon, mostly right there in the city the House as located in, Chang'Pei. The city of Chang'Pei was one of the largest cities in the 'verse, and its citizens fiercely proud of it. People, even those not from Chang'Pei, often said that Lu'Weng may be the capital of Sihnon, but Chang'Pei was its heart.

Nandi had started right away being engaged as a Companion to a long list of prestigious wealthy men from the finest families, attending the most stunning social events, but had failed at the proper amount of blending that was expected of a Companion. A Companion could, and should, strive to stand out in a crowd, but there should never be any question that she was always exactly where she belonged, that she fit perfectly into any setting, as natural as sunlight, and Nandi found herself struggling with that. She flat out didn't see the point of the many rules that mapped out everything at every event. She failed to see the importance of things such as remembering that one must always drink champagne at the Opera Opening but never at the Greenville Ball, that gold shoes with exactly three inch heels were the only shoes proper for Companion autumn attire, and that dancing the allemande was imperative at afternoon parties, but frowned upon at evening soirées. Rules how to eat, walk, speak, sleep, even breathe, surrounded her at every turn. She had thought things would be less restrictive once she had graduated – but the opposite turned out to be true. As she had tried to practice the trade she had been trained for she had found herself wondering how a Companion could be expected to be a butterfly if she was bound in a cocoon of silken rules.

The Speaker glanced at a paper in front of him, no doubt a list of minor infringements, and then looked down his nose at her. "We had hoped that this was a mere adjustment period that you would grow out of and begin performing as a Companion should, but this latest infraction has proved without a doubt that this is not the case."

Nandi kept her lips firmly pressed together, knowing there was nothing worth saying at this point.

"Normally," said the pompous official, "we are able to screen out undesirable Companion candidates much, much earlier than this. In your case however…" he hesitated, for once uncertain, "perhaps there was too much haste in the acceptance of your application, and some gross over lookings of early warning signs. Your early handlers were perhaps too impressed by your bloodlines and overlooked your actual behavior." He went on briskly, "In light of your family's years of service to the Guild, the usual discharge process will be waived."

Nandi let out a breath she didn't know she had been holding. The process he had so blithely brought up and dismissed in less than a breath was the punishment meted out to the rare case for someone getting outright expelled from the Guild. It involved making an example out of the ex-Companion. Depending on the seriousness of the offence it could mean anything from a public apology delivered before expulsion by crawling naked up the House steps to a hot iron branding on the face.

"However," he went on, ignoring her relief, "some exceptions cannot be made, even for a daughter of the Kessler family." He dipped his pen in an ink jar and began scribbling while speaking with a sense of finality, "the entirety of your accounts have already been transferred to the Guild and all of your possessions have been confiscated to help pay off your training fees and the future client revenue percentage you would have paid us. The amount confiscated from your accounts and possessions would not have been enough, which would have meant a fixed period of dock work."

He paused to give her a glare and she gulped slightly. 'Dock work' was the phrase used to refer to costumers who sought only sex without the ceremony. They were usually rougher customers, ones not just interested in pleasure. 'Fixed period' meant she would have been on her back without pause until her debts to the Guild had been paid off.

"However, the rest of your debts have been paid off by an anonymous donor on the condition you leave Sihnon immediately, a condition with which the Guild is only to happy to comply with."

Nandi narrowed her eyes in anger. The only person that anonymous donor could be would be her grandmother. Though retired, Najara Kessler still had many connections with the House and would have heard the news about her granddaughter's expulsion as soon as it had been decided. She may have even been consulted on the decision, and weighed in with her own advice. _She must be livid_, thought Nandi, trying to ignore a feeling of guilt in letting down her only living flesh and blood, however haughty that blood might be. Her grandmother's pride no doubt have accounted both for the money and the banishment. Pride in the family name would have meant she would do whatever necessary to spare having the family name associated with the Guild's punitive measures, but that same pride meant she would never want to see her granddaughter again.

"You will be issued a suit of clothes befitting your new lack of status," the official went on. "You will be dropped off at the train station with a ticket to get you to the space port. From there you will have a boarding pass waiting for you at check in to take you off planet on the next flight leaving for Persephone. Your license to practice the trade is hereby revoked and you are to be shunned by the Guild, forbidden contact with any Guild members and prohibited from the use of any Guild resources."

One of the other council members spoke at that point, a senior Companion who had been one of Nandi's tutors. "Nandi, remember this is for the good of the Guild. One example for the good of many." She sounded almost apologetic. "Remember your Earth-That-Was history – if we don't protect ourselves, no one else will. As the war has just reminded us all, there must be unification… or there will be chaos."

The Speaker banged a mallet onto a small bronze gong on the table with more force than was strictly necessary. "Nandi Kessler, you are expelled." Then, following a tradition nearly as old as the Guild itself, the entire council rose and turned their backs on her, formally showing that she was no longer of the Guild.

Nandi was escorted from the room by two retired Companions who now worked as Guild officials, both grey haired but both still beautiful, although grim faced with duty at the moment. Neither spoke to her or made eye contact. She was lead along by them to the wing where the seamstresses worked and brought to one of the wardrobe rooms where clothes of all fashions, styles, sizes and class were racked or folded around the walls. One of the women gestured curtly at Nandi and she understand what was meant. She slowly undressed, unsure of exactly what to feel. As she stood wearing nothing, she shivered, reflecting that she must be in shock to be feeling nothing but cold. One of the women sharply pulled her hair ornaments out while the other gathered up a few clothes from a low shelf and wordlessly handed them to her. When Nandi was dressed she caught a glance of herself in a floor length mirror; she was dressed in a simple tunic and pants made of thin cotton, the pale blue dye already fading. No embroidery, no jewels, no gold, no silver, no bright colors or fancy ornamentation, and on her feet were two solid wooden clogs, as ungraceful as imaginable. She looked like she was headed to work in the silk fields.

At the train station for she was handed her ticket, and to her surprise, a black leather travel bag was dumped at her feet wordlessly. Sitting on the Empress Express, the mag-rail that connected most of the cities of Sihnon, seated in the working class section, it was far too crowded to open the bag. Instead she sat and gazed out the window at the sun slipping beneath the Fenghuang Mountains in a blaze of crimson glory.

After checking in at the Guan Yu Space Port she found a seat on a hard plastic each in the public waiting area for all ships leaving for the Zhaunxu System and opened the bag. It contained an assortment of clothes, second hand but of better quality than what she was currently wearing, and, gazing at them with a critical eye, they were all in her size. They were a few odd toiletry and makeup items. It was all clearly packed by someone who wanted to make her journey easier, but also forced to pack in some haste with limited resources. She smiled slightly, almost positive of who had sent the bag, but she was still surprised when she opened the note tucked inside a bundled up shawl. Folded inside the paper was the golden necklace with the little jade dragon she had given Inara so many year's ago. Written on the paper in Inara's graceful hand was the short but heartfelt message, _I think you will need the luck now. Blessings on your journey. _


End file.
